Meet The Staff: Paula

‘Dark thoughts breed dark deeds’

Elizabeth’s mothers words echoed in her mind, still powerful enough to cause a sting of fear, even after all these years. It was hardly a comfort on this dark night,

The dimly lit streets of London were full of potent terrors, but today she witnessed something she shouldn’t have. Something evil. Something that made her often tense walk home seem as dread-filled as a home cooked meal.

She would leave England tonight. She would start fresh and be free of the horrors that seemed to almost suffocate her every waking moment of lucidity. She would be free.

Enthralled by her thoughts, she hardly noticed that her door was already unlocked, nor the musty smell coming from the pitch black hallway that somehow seemed so alien this eve.

But she soon woke from her daze, when a whispering voice emanated from the hunched figure shrouded by the night, standing on her stairwell.

Crippled by terror, wide eyed and mouth agape in horror, she hears the dark words and knows true fear for the last time. She finally realises, in this terrible moment, what her mother meant.

‘ITS TIME TO MEET THE STAFF.’

Hello there, Vape Co followers. We’re here, yet a gain chronicling our glorious collection of weird and wonderful staff members that keep the company full of precious, precious life-blood.

Today we venture away from the store, moving to the evils of social media and marketing in search of an elusive and mysterious specimen. Paula (Imputtingthisonfacebookus dontmesswithmeus)

Name: Paula

Habitat: Vape Co head office and the Thunderdome on weekends

Diet: Rice cakes and fascinating dust. Possibly crackers.

Role: Social Media and Marketing Shogun

Paula has been with the Vape Co since its inception, begrudgingly spending her days working magic on Facebook, Instagram and/or whatever else the kids are doing these days that annoys me.

Paula has developed a mighty ability to influence others to do her bidding. Like an evil mastermind looking to do battle with spandex wearing teens with attitude, her power lies in her control of those with weaker wills. This is achieved with a complex mix of threats of physical abuse, yelling and an uncontested control of Spotify playlists. God help us all.

Paula has been behind the Vape Co’s excellent online following, where she has built a reputation of excellence. She has done this with a complex mix of threats of physical abuse and…well everything mentioned above.

Behind Paula’s sometimes murderous outer shell, lies a woman filled with love and compassion. While it is limited, it’s still there. Just look a little harder…little bit more…there you go!

You can see this from her constant monitoring of the store cameras, waiting patiently every day for the chance to catch the staff doing something embarrassing or just plain awful. And don’t worry, she’ll be sure to capture it for all to see. What a great person. A true friend some might say. What a champ.

Paula’s arrival is bullet pointed by shouting, then the sudden commandeering of any nearby sound system to play a collection of horrible, horrible music, which soon turns into a one-woman karaoke jamboree for all to ‘enjoy’. Hooray?

Paula has helped make the Vape Co a social media powerhouse, spearheading the task of boosting our virtual footprint for all to see. Without her, we’d hardly have any name with the funky, cyberspace dwelling generation that so heartily embraces our industry.

Thanks Paula!