Meet the staff: Amy

A shrouded figure struggles up the barren, twisted hillside, his crooked form barely able to pull himself up the steep path. His journey is familiar, but his task is both alien and mortifying. As he crests the ancient dune, a cold chill reminds him of the unspeakable horrors that have graced this godforsaken land. He does not stop, even as his body screams for relief and his restless mind pleads for him to run far, far away from the nightmare that awaits him.

Finally he sees his goal, a black, shapeless void in time and space. It hovers so gracefully and yet fills his soul with such sickening dread. Steeling himself, he moves his wizened visage closer to the opening, listening intently.

The words that hiss from the abomination are exactly what he feared:

'It's time to meet the staff'

Welcome back dear readers! This week we find ourselves looking into our Enfield branch, to find a rare specimen; Amy (Pokemonous Maccydiddlious).

Name: Amy

Habitat: Dingy indie bars that smell of broken plumbing

Diet: McDonald's and pizza (we've never seen her eat something else, so we'll go with that)

Role: Branch Manager

Amy has been with the Vape Co for almost a year, at first a customer, and now a reliable cog in the machine of indomitable industry. Thanks to her hard work and dedication, Amy is now a branch manager, and has gone 4 days without setting the store ablaze. Good job Amy!

Amy divides her time between breaking everything important in her store, and discussing Pokemon/Adventure Time/something else very sad with staff and customers. Whether they tell her to stop or not.

An avid music lover, Amy enjoys berating anyone within ear shot with a fine selection of terrible, terrible music made by children hammering on instruments while singing vomit inducing ballads about 'how hard school is' and 'why Jenny won't go out with me'.

Amy is the London Vape Company's little bundle of joy, and has become a favourite of customers thanks to her sunny attitude, excellent sales technique and collection of odd hats with confusing catchphrases.

We're lucky to have employees like Amy helping the Vape Co to grow and prosper. If only she stopped talking about the Pokemon things.